cheetah is home

well, i went out yesterday and brought cheetah home

i waited around in the morning until his sister told me he’d actually managed to stay there. she said it had been hard keeping him there for the night, but successful, and he was even asleep. i loaded up then and drove out soon after, before he woke

it was 5.5 hours to drive over. tinkered around for about an hour, then started back, and made it in 4.5 on the way home

chee was still high

as soon as we bid his sister goodbye and got in the truck he referred to the experience of being seen by her as “humiliating.” then he’s anxious to tell me all about the adventures he’s had, how the whole system was against him, how he was calling out terrible things doctors were going to do to him before it happened, and how it was all a script they were following to torment him and they got upset because he was taking all the fun out of it for them

i took him to get tacos though, and he settled down long enough to eat four of them. by the fifth taco he put hot sauce on it then started into another rant, i forget about what, and i urge him to remember he has food and he eats his taco. i made him take his sixth taco with us, as i was ready to get on the road

it’s quiet for a bit, but then most of an hour into the road he starts wanting to argue about, well, all the stuff we need to argue about. like our relationship, and how i wanted him to stay somewhere safe and sober up, and instead he did the exact opposite and went out to do more dope

he was “just killing time.” he told me this twice. his solution to sobering up and putting himself back together was to go do drugs because he had time to kill

i guess because i hadn’t come rescue him yet? i mean, he didn’t want me to. he never asked me to. he never thanked me for it. he thanked me for the tacos, twice even, but not the eleven hours of driving i did. in fact he specifically told me shortly after i got him that i didn’t have to do that, he was going to get himself a greyhound ticket to get home

when? when he grew bored of killing time by visiting drug houses?

so the argument is getting grumpy and we’re barely an hour into the drive. i have visions of him pissing me off enough i end up leaving him in some town halfway across the mountains

then i actually managed to argue him into shutting up

it wasn’t nice, and i feel kind of slimy for the way i did it, but it succeeded. he shut up and let me drive in mostly silence for the rest of the trip

i would still try to say nice fluffy things. i offered him the blanket that was in the back seat. i would comment when we reached major markers, like the halfway point. there were a few fluff things i said along the way. cheetah replied to me as needed but never volunteered anything for the rest of the drive. he would sometimes ride with his head out the window, but it wasn’t for sick reasons, i think he was having anxiety problems. he would mostly sit there curled away from me with his hood pulled tight. he would sometimes mutter “fuck!” or sometimes emit a random laugh. definitely there were adventures playing out inside his head

i tried to touch his back once for comfort and he instantly shied away from me, so i didn’t try again

we got home and i was dead tired. i told the kitties “look who i found!” then i told cheetah “welcome home,” though even i’ll admit i couldn’t manage any enthusiasm in it. then i went to bed. then fox called, and three minutes later i put him off too, and resumed trying to meditate my way to sleep

chee went to bed too after making a snack. i got up after about an hour and turned the house lights off

it is now late morning. chee just made a waking up sound. i’ve been up for a few hours. let us see what amazing opportunities for glorious and loving interaction this day holds

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