day minus six

today has been calm so lets think back a week

one thing that’s stuck in my head is that the day cheetah solemnly told me he was going to be faithful to me is the exact same day he last went off and did dope

like it had been a week and a half from his prior drug trip. that one i was out of town for. all the ones in the past i was gone, one way or another. even if a trip came after a fight, i was always the one who left the house first. but no, last monday’s was special, because it was the first time ever he just poofed and vanished while i was here

he’d been playing games. i’d been occasionally watching, while otherwise working on code. i’ve been crushing it on my project lately, so most of each day i’ve been in the computer room while he self-entertains. lately he’d been playing a lot of games on the new playstation

somewhen around the middle of the afternoon, i think while passing through the office, is when he pledged his fidelity. or, well, he pledged he would try to be faithful. i remember he put a little bit of emphasis on the word try. whatever, it sounded loving anyway

we continued to chat while we went back to doing our own things. even if i’m working, it seems he’s happier if i’m in the next room and occasionally respond to the things he hollers than if i’m in my bedroom

sometime later i took a big break and made us food. i made chili chickens, a recipe i’ve been practicing for months. it came out great. i changed a few things up and remember thinking it was the best ever

nothing went wrong, many things went right. it was a good day

Day Minus Six

i actually have a picture from that evening. cheetah’s in his pink hoodie, green poof to his hair, game controller in hand, big camp knife on his belt, and a plate of chili chickens over rice in front of him. he looks happy

that photo was 20:29 according to my phone. we both stayed up late, and somewhat after 01:00 i start winding down and readying for bed. i go get a shower, and i come out and he’s gone. my phone says i tried to call him at 01:38 and got through on my second call at 01:40

he told me he was going to get tacos. we both knew that was bullshit. i told him he was being stupid and he should come home. the conversation ended. i next heard from him again around 21:00 the next day when he walked in the door, high on dope, tip-toeing, and deeply apologetic

the point of the story is this: in less than one week’s time cheetah went from loving me so much he was actually pledging fidelity, to wanting to throw me out of his life in order to get out of having to show me any sort of appreciation. that’s just weird

what i now wonder is: did he scare himself?

did he hear himself pledging fidelity, and that spooked him so bad he had to shove me away?

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