here’s hoping…

friday was a day of cleaning. chee cleaned his entire ⅔ of my house, including washing all his bedding and the rest of whatever laundry was in the basket. he was also phoning with people through the day off and on, using my computer to place calls

i left him to it, and he never sought me out

saturday was… i can’t actually remember interacting any?

i went out for walkies in the morning, been doing that every other day lately. then in the afternoon and evening i just hung out in my room and worked on code. i actually have very little idea what cheetah did all day. i saw him reading comics on my computer when i went by, but otherwise he was quiet almost the whole time

he did go out for a few hours in the evening. based on how he left the shower and the jock strap that was on top of the laundry basket this morning, i’m guessing he went out for a hookup. but he was actually asleep and snoring this morning when i first woke up, so maybe he didn’t involve drugs in this one?

hard to say. when i was making enough noise around noon-thirty that he couldn’t pretend to be asleep anymore, he got up, stomped into the office room, and refused to return a greeting

when my truck was loaded, i was a little more insistent, poking my head around the corner into my office, where he sat at my computer, glowering at the screen. it took two more good mornings before he actually replied to me. i told him i was heading out, he sarcastically replied have fun. i said he was free to call me if he wanted to try talking about anything, he replied all he was hearing was mumbles

thus i left, brooding to myself about yet another example of why he’s so hard to be around

i keep thinking back to that packet of “victim services” stuff the jail sent me home with. somewhere in there was a chunk talking about abusive relationships, and i keep thinking of the part where it said abusers choose who they’re going to abuse. they absolutely can treat someone nicely if they feel it’s worth it, but they single out certain people in their life that they’re going to be shitty to instead

that’s how it feels when cheetah won’t even return a good morning. i don’t know what try he says he’s doing that i’m not, because it feels like every day we’ve interacted since i brought him home there’s been a blast of aggression, anger, or hate at me. sometimes, as this morning, with absolutely zero possible provocation or misunderstanding

anyway, i’m up at my cabin!

snow supposed to blow in tonight, hopefully trapping me

here’s hoping that leaving the angry, hateful, cheetah who can’t seem to stop himself from doing dope every few days whether i’m there or not, alone by himself for a while, goes better this time than it did last time

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